A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, So, why the long face?
A penguin1 walks into a bar and asks the bartender, Has my father been in here? The bartender says, I dont know. What does he look like?
A kangaroo walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, Thatll be $10. You know, we dont get many kangaroos coming in here. The kangaroo says, At $10 a beer, its not hard to understand.
A termite2 walks into a bar and asks, Is the bar tender here?
A cheeseburger walks into a bar, and the bartender says, Sorry, we dont serve food in here.
A grasshopper3 hops4 into a bar. The bartender says, Youre quite a celebrity5 around here. Weve even got a drink named after you. The grasshopper says, Youve got a drink named Steve?
A goldfish flops6 into a bar and looks at the bartender. The bartender asks, What can I get you? The goldfish says, Water.
A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to a lady and a dog. The man asks, Does your dog bite? The lady answers, Never! The man reaches out to pet the dog, and the dog bites his hand. The man says, I thought you said your dog doesnt bite! The woman replies, He doesnt. Thats not my dog.
A skeleton walks into a bar. The bartender asks, Whatll you have? The skeleton says, Give me a beer, and a mop.
A polar bear, a giraffe and a penguin walk into a bar. The bartender says, What is this, some kind of joke?
A guy walks into a bar in Cork7, in Ireland, and asks the barman: Whats the quickest way to get to Dublin? Are you walking or driving? asks the barman. Driving, says a man. Thats the quickest way, says the barman.
A tourist goes into a bar where a dog is sitting in a chair playing poker8. He asks, Is that dog there really playing poker? And the bartender says, Yeah, but hes not too smart. Whenever he has a good hand, he starts wagging his tail.
A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. He says, A beer for me and one for my giraffe. And they stand around drinking for hours until the giraffe passes out on the floor. The man pays the tab and gets up to leave. The bartender says, Hey! Youre not going to leave that lyin on the floor, are you? The man says, Thats not a lion, its a giraffe.
A blind man walks into a bar, grabs his dog by its hind9 legs and swings him around in a circle. The bartender says, Hey, buddy10, what are you doing? And the blind man says, Dont mind me. Im just looking around.
